Customs/der Zoll

Last Friday I got a notice in the mail from Deutsche Post, the German postal service. I had received a package and had to go to the customs office (der Zoll) to pick it up. There was a letter that said something about how the proper receipt or invoice was not attached to the outside of the box, and a neon green paper in the envelope with an id number for my package (this will matter later in the story).

Deutsche Post is owned or at least operated by DHL. So here in the land of big government, the postal service has been privatized. Germany seems like a good place to be a mail carrier. You get to ride around all day on your yellow bike and deliver things. No dogs would bite you because a) you are not in a truck, and b) the dogs here are trained not to chase anything. They don't even sniff when you go by on the street. Plus, the mailmen here have cooler uniforms than the ones in the U.S.

So on Monday I looked up the address of the customs office and set out on my bike. Der Zoll way out near the airport in a part of Hannover I had never seen before. I was riding past car dealerships and office buildings and ended up in an industrial park. There was a big gate at the entrance with an empty guard booth, and soldiers were walking around in uniform. What sort of a place had I gone to? On the way there my biggest worries were having to pay a tax on the package and getting lost. Now I was wondering whether my box was involved in some sort of terror investigation. Maybe instead of a birthday gift, someone had sent me a bomb!

I walked into the huge warehouse building and headed down a long dark corridor. It opened up to ... not an interrogation room (I know that is what you were thinking. So was I), but a waiting room. And standing around a big folding table were various people holding their letters and neon green papers. At least I was in the right place.

As I sat and waited (every few minutes, someone peeped out of a door to call the next suspect in) I took a look at who else was picking up a package. Since I was possibly going to be detained with these people, I wanted to check out who would be sharing my cell. Possible cell-mates included:

• An eastern European girl with long blond hair, tight red pants, and super high heels
• A couple in matching black rain jackets and hiking boots
• An old man in a tie and sportcoat, who looked like he knew what he was doing ( a usual suspect perhaps)
• 2 Asian girls
• 2 teenage boys (looked German, but who knows)
• A middle aged man with a beer belly and a mullet

When it was finally my turn to go in for questioning, I approached the desk to find .... cubicles. and office plants. and file cabinets.  I showed my green paper to the guy behind the desk, then he got the box and asked me what was in it. When I told him I didn't know, he had me open it in front of him. I had visions of drugs or weapons spilling out onto the desk while red lights flashed, alarms sounded, and soldiers rushed in wearing gas masks. Instead, there were a couple of cards drawn by my nephews and a bag that my sister sent as a birthday gift. Maybe it had a suspicious zipper or something. Then he let me go - with no tax and no interrogation.

After that, I thought I was done with der Zoll. Then yesterday I got another notice in the mail - I have to go back for another package.  Maybe I'm becoming a usual suspect too.